Diary of a mad woman

Monday, 08 February 2010

  • 12:18am Sunday night! What a weekend. I'm tired as hell, so I'm gonna try to make this very fast! Friday.. Friday was actually a pretty great day! I went to the mall to meet janet, but she got a flat tire.. So we left after the girls played & we got Mina & went to New Hope, had dinner there, bought a ton of incense! (I loves their incense) took Mina home around 2pm, then I drove around for over an hour, I let the girls sleep & I just drove & talked on the phone.. Got some things I've been meaning to do done.. Then I went back to work, cleaned up & Matt came down.. I left.. Mina & I did stuff.. In all honesty I don't remember what we did.. Haha I think I played WoW.. It snowed Friday night into Saturday afternoon!! We got close to 2ft! I LOVE snow!!!! Alex was awesome enough to shovel us out! Gotta love him! I got all the baby shower invites ready! Gonna mail em' out tomorrow. I worked on my book a bit this weekend. I also did all my homework. UU today was great! "Groundhogs & Goddesses" I loved it! But I REALLY love UU! I can't wait to get more involved! We pretty much smoked & chilled all weekend.. I did alittle bit of everything.. I enjoyed it! Well I'm off to bed. Gotta be up EXTRA early.. Got mina's Dr's appt first thing, then work, then school.. Good stuff! Lol See y'as!

Friday, 05 February 2010

  • 12:35am Thursday night... I cannot wait to smoke tomorrow after work.. Its like all I wanna think about right now. So much is going on in my head & outside, around me.. I would do anything to not be in my skin right now! So.. First let me say.. Theodore is as crazy as my mother, if not worse.. CRAZY guys.. CRAZY in the bad way! I feel like everyone involved would be better off if that kid just offed himself.. Ugh! So yea.. That talk last night consisted of him babbling on about his meaningless life & his unrealistic, narcisistic goals.. I know I spelled that wrong, but u got the point. His whole convo was filled with complete BULLSHIT, excuses, and more bullshit.. And its sad because he thinks its believable, but I can't imagine anyone believing him.. Ugh! So yea.. Im so uber tired anymore. TGIF! So yea.. Today.. Got to work, took the girls to storytime, then home for lunch, then Adli to school, Belli home to nap, I did the baby shower invites & some homework.. Then we got Adli.. I saw Amber, got to say Hi! Cam's getting HUGE! Umm.. So after work I went to therapy.. Angela's leaving............. I have the god damn curse man! I dunno wtf it is.. GOSH! So that sucks ass! We had a good session tho.. So then on my way home my mom calls & tells me mina told her Im Lazy.. I flipped!!!!!!! Then BD twists my words around & tells her Im saying all this shit thats WAY WAY WAY not what I said.. Just GAY. THEN we found out theres 2 child abusers in the park.. We're all kinda freaked out! So yea.. Gosh! Im done thinking about life! Goodnight!

Thursday, 04 February 2010

  • Wednesday night.. 12:57am. Woke up to a bunch of snow but still had to go to work. I got the girls together & we went & got Mina, went to WIC & get that through.. Almost forgot Adli had school, got them lunch & took her.. Work was work basically.. After I came home, got Mina, & we went to wal-mart. Got the baby showe invites & a few odds & ends.. Then came back & relaxed for alittle then I went to the Team Worship meeting. I really like UU & it feels weird! Gosh! I had a really good time tonight. Then I got home & stood outside talking to Theodore for awhile. He's absolutely CRAZY!!!! Ugh! Anyways.. Sorry Im not going into details on anything.. Im tired! Ttyl!

Wednesday, 03 February 2010

  • 12:42am Tuesday night. Feels like Thursday reallly.. Gosh! Work was fine today.. Took Adli to dance class today. Shes very cute! Then we got Mina & got some grub.. Drove alittle.. Then took the girls home for lunch, then nap time & I did some homework. Work actually went farely quick today. Matt came down at 415pm, I came home. Been doing a lot all night.. Baby shower prep, made & ordered the invites.. Getting peoples addy's, ordered what I'm getting her.. Its not for baby, but I figure Im doing enuff for the baby. I did get something for the baby though, but I'm not giving it to Mina.. It's something I'm making for baby for when he's older.. Its a secret tho! Wow.. I mean, look.. I know its Mina's baby, but I can't help but feel like he's mine too.. And then I realize we're having a baby all over again in a different depth! Man.. Crazy! But anyways. I took a bunch of belly pix of Mina & Baby.. Their very cute! We watched some TV & I did chapter 2 of my homework. I lit some candles before bed. One for Liz (from UU), One for Daddy.. he' still in the hospital & they might have to take his feet We're hoping not! And then one for everyone else! Anyways.. Well Im beat & its late.. Goodnight!!

Tuesday, 02 February 2010

  • Wow... WHAT A WEEK! So I last wrote Wednesday night huh? Well.. Let me catch ya up! (and if I pass out before I finish, sorry.. But sleep is WAY more important haha) okays.. Woke up Thursday & went to work.. This time Trevi was sick, so Matt gave me Adli & Belli & told me to take em' out.. Sooo.. I did.. We were gonna do the bookstore for storytime.. But it was only 9am, so we drove around a bit.. Went to the playground but it was too bitter cold.. Then mina woke up so we grabbed her & I got her Bk's breakfast & the girls fries.. Adli said her belly hurt & so we were gonna take them to the indoor playground but by then both kids were passed out so we just drove around for a couple hours till Adli had school.. Took her to school, then we all went back to our house.. This is when my belly started feeling like shit.. Ugh! By the time I got Adli from school I was feeling like complete shit & thinking I got their bug.. So I took them home, to find Matt left the house exactly as it was.. So I got to cleaning.. UGH! Feeling like complete shit I cleaned the whole house.. He came down (late) & I left.. Had therapy but I cancelled, came home & passed out by 4:45pm! I slept (on & off somewhat) till almost 2pm Friday! Inbetween I woke up to be sick, to email my boss, & to feel like crap! Gosh! Then when I woke up Friday, we did shit... Not a lot.. But somethings.. We went out shopping, had to get the cheesecake stuff for Saturday! Came home & relaxed (which means smoked) all night lol Saturday I woke up around 11am, showered & got ready.. We had a Long day ahead! Went to the DMV, they didn't do renewals, went to the bank, Mina forgot the check, finally went to Babys r' us, & did the baby registry! We were there 2 1/2hrs! NUTS! 151 items! Gosh! Anyways.. Then we came home & it started to flurry, grabbed the cheesecake & went to the UU New-comers dinner at Bill & Nancy's. They had a really nice house. We were the first to arrive, & at first we were scared & feeling awkward, but then Libby came & I really enjoy talking to her & listening to what she has to say.. I feel like I could learn a lot from her! Anyways.. then Rob & Laura came with the girls, then Gil & Sherri with Scott, & then Sam & his wife & 2kids showed up! & I feel like someone else, but I don't think so.. We all sat & chatted a bit, then we got food.. Salads (4), soups (3), & drinks & we sat in the dining room. We had some great talks & I really enjoyed myself. I really love UU! I feel like I shoulda found it when I was a kid man! Gosh! Anyways.. So then we talked membership.. Which Mina & I are basically there! Then desserts.. Mina's cheesecake was a hit!!!!! By the time we were saying goodbyes, it felt like an hour.. 2 1/2hrs! CRAZY! Gosh! So we went to go.. Snow was everywhere.. We slid all the way home man! Got home & relaxed & then bed.. (tho I was up all night) Sunday, woke up & we went to UU. Wow! Meg Barnhouse was guest minister & she was AMAZING!) she sang & preached it man! Her words were beautiful & I enjoyed it so much! Anyways.. We bought 2 of her CD's! I wasn't kidding about loving her! Then Mina & I drove all over NJ & Pa & then finally went home.. Dude I Washed all my bed linen, then spread some herbs, including lavender, chamomile, & some other relaxing, healing, sweetdream filled herbs & oils around my bed.. Laying in bed now, inhaling the scents, feeling very relaxed & comforted! I love it! Oh, Happy Imbolc all! Blessed Be!

    Monday (today) sucked!!!!!! Well it didn't.. Both my bosses were gone so I did homework & we stayed in.. Which was nice for once.. Trevi got home & I dunno? Today was today.. Then Stephanie got home at 5:45pm so I raced off & went to school, got there just in time! Took the test, it went well! Did school.. Had fun! My teacher is a UU at the washington crossing one! Nice! I finally got home AFTER 10pm! Been doing crap & now Im just exhausted! So Im going to bed! Love y'as!

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

  • 12:09am Tuesday night.. MAN!!!!! I don't even know where to start.. Ya know, I do wanna say.. Izve been trying very hard to stick to my "Live for the moment" plan, & when I can actually hold to it, things go great.. But sticking to it is really the problem. I'm a problem solver.. I like to take problems, dissect them, & figure them out & so not doing that is really hard.. GOSH! (so it doesn't always happen) anyways.. So.. Monday.. It was DOWNPOURING this morning (no wonder my knees hurt) and so I went to work & we stayed in all F'ing day which fucking blew cuz I had no service on my cell.. Gosh! But with the little signal I did find here & there I found out Amazon was saying my textbook was delievered but UPS hadn't dropped it off yet.. So I had to go without the boook for the first class. Gosh! Then, Matt didn't come down till 435pm, so I left, 35min later then I planned.. So I got home & had less then an hour to get ready & do all the dumbass shit I had to do.. Got into an argument with Mark.. Now he hates me Gosh.. Doesn't he get how much he hurts me? I can't help.. Just UGH! I donzt even wanna get into it.. Gosh! So yea.. Milissa came over & we went to class, which actually went very well! I liked it a lot.. I think this class is gonnna be easy! I hope im right! So we came home & I went to bed!

    Tuesday, (today) woke up & went to work..Belli was sick yesterday, now Adli is.. Its fucking dumb! Gosh! So today was pretty gay..

    **11:13pm Next night (Wednesday)**

    So.. I was totally passing out last night & didn't finish my xanga haha Sooo.. Yea.. Yesterday was pretty gay.. Mark still hates me & its killing me.. But I figure something will give.. I hope.. FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK YES! That's how I feel.. And that's what im thinking & I just don't get why I'm so fucking stupid! I hate that I care about him & I hate him for not knowing or just not caring & I hate him for being so amazing & being right all the time & I hate him for knowing me so well & caring but then I hate him for being such.... A GUY! GOSH! I don't even know what else to say.. Ya know.. I dunno? Maybe its my own fault! I thought too much into it & I shouldn't of & I dunno.. I rly dunno! GOSH! And then I sent that last email.. If he doesn't see it now he's fucking BLIND! And I feel like we could save eachother.. We could.. And UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I'd just stop thinking.. I can't wait to fucking smoke! So yea.. Not much to tell about the last 2 days.. Like.. A LOT happened.. But none of it is major enuff to rly share.. Like.. Yesterday Adli threw up EVERYWHERE!!!!! Then today I was.. 3min from work & Matt calls & tells me not to come & they'll call me in a bit to get the girls but not to come in the house.. So I came home & did some homework.. Then I went at 1pm & got Belli. We just came back here.. It was way nice.. Then I took her home at 4pm & Mina & I went to dinner & then got our hair cut.. Just a trim! We BOTH needed it! Gosh! So yea.. I rly need to dye my hair! Its crazy amounts of colors haha well anyways.. Work tomorrow, then therapy, then work Friday & theen I can smoke! GOSH! Goodnight!
  • 12:09am Tuesday night.. MAN!!!!! I don't even know where to start.. Ya know, I do wanna say.. Izve been trying very hard to stick to my "Live for the moment" plan, & when I can actually hold to it, things go great.. But sticking to it is really the problem. I'm a problem solver.. I like to take problems, dissect them, & figure them out & so not doing that is really hard.. GOSH! (so it doesn't always happen) anyways.. So.. Monday.. It was DOWNPOURING this morning (no wonder my knees hurt) and so I went to work & we stayed in all F'ing day which fucking blew cuz I had no service on my cell.. Gosh! But with the little signal I did find here & there I found out Amazon was saying my textbook was delievered but UPS hadn't dropped it off yet.. So I had to go without the boook for the first class. Gosh! Then, Matt didn't come down till 435pm, so I left, 35min later then I planned.. So I got home & had less then an hour to get ready & do all the dumbass shit I had to do.. Got into an argument with Mark.. Now he hates me Gosh.. Doesn't he get how much he hurts me? I can't help.. Just UGH! I donzt even wanna get into it.. Gosh! So yea.. Milissa came over & we went to class, which actually went very well! I liked it a lot.. I think this class is gonnna be easy! I hope im right! So we came home & I went to bed!

    Tuesday, (today) woke up & went to work..Belli was sick yesterday, now Adli is.. Its fucking dumb! Gosh! So today was pretty gay..

Monday, 25 January 2010

  • Well hello there folks! It is 12:58am Sunday night.. I am just getting into bed! This weekend was very good.. (especially in comparison) I smoked all weekend of course (which always makes it a good time) Friday I went to work.. Took the girls to the mall & we met up with JAnet & her kids.. They played & JAnet & I tried to be normal adults.. But its hard when kids are around.. Ya know! I reallly like hanging out with Janet, no matter the circumstances! I really hope she really feels the same way! I'd love to become very good friends with her! Anyways.. Then I took them home for lunch & finished my day out.. Friday we smoked.. Lol Saturday we smoked.. Haha we also did some shopping & Then JAnet came over & I felt kinda bad cuz they were supposed to leave but she got here early & so we were in my room whispering.. I hope it wasn't too weird for her. So then Today we got up & went to UU, it was great as always! And then after, they had a small version of the dream cafĂ© & we stayed & I had a really good time! I really wanna get involved! We have a newcomers dinner Saturday! Im excited.. Okays anyways.. I spent since UU, cleaning.. my room, I went thru all those cloths.. did the freecycles, just a ton of crap & I feel GOOD about it all! Took a shower & now here I am! I have my first class tomorrow & work.. Booo well Im VERY sleepy so Im going.. Y'all have fun!

Friday, 22 January 2010

  • 12:04am, Thursday night.. Lying in bed, feeling good! Took a very nice, very hot shower alittle bit ago.. I was in there an hour! Haha I shaved.. (I know.. Finally!) It feels good to be hairless again! I mean, I was keeping up on like my arms, under arms, etc.. But I let my legs go.. WHOA they were bad haha! Anyways.. Today was good.. I took a HUGE risk (for me) today.. I told Angela my therapist (the current one.. I know I kinda just call them ALL my therapist.. But Im saying the one I actually go to once a week) I told her some things I don't usually tell people.. Honestly.. Part of me feels good.. Relieved.. Lighter... But then another part of me is feeling anxious & worried &... I can't really label that last one right now.. But yea! Gosh! Anyways.. Im feeling more ok then not.. So yea! Been talking to Jake & Janet all night.. I enjoy talking to them both! definitely keeps a smile on my face.. My knee is KILLING me.. Seriously.. Its hurting so bad right now! Well, Im gonna cut this short cuz Im uber sleepy! I'll try to write this weekend! G'nite!

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

  • 2:13pm Wednesday.. I'm in the family room, on the exercise bike at work. Belli is sound asleep on the big chair.. I just got done folding laundry & going thru the house & cleaning up, even tho the cleaning ladies were just here. Aside from the floors, I clean more then they do everyday.. They don't do a very good job on the straightening up of things! Gosh! My knee's are both killing me. The last week or so's been the WORST cuz they hurt so much & its like I can't sit comfortably.. It sucks! Ya know.. I feel like, I COULD be a lazy bum.. I could! I could move back in with Roby, quit my job, & just live off her & the government.. But I don't, cuz I'm better then that and I want to be ever better then this.. So it just boggles my mind that my friends don't get off their lazzy asses & get a job.. Not just for the need of money, but because wtf else are they doing? Seriously? Who wants to just sit around all day? I dunno? Anyways.. Todays been good. I really didn't wanna wake up.. Haha hit the snooze twice! I dunno why its getting harder & harder to wake up? Ugh! Even right now, I could be sitting in the chair, relaxing, reading my book.. Instead Im going 5miles on the bike, typing my xanga haha I wonder if he cares that Im on it.. Cuz I think he can see me.. Creepy! I'll have to check it out next time he's not home. Anyways.. Ooo I gotta email my therapist.. I keep meaning to & then forget! Gosh! I have a lot I've been meaning to do, but then I get home & the time just FLIES by ya know! Gosh! I had some crazy dreams last night.. Mainly about Jake & Janet (nothing dirty.. Haha just odd) I think BD was in it too.. Ugh! I can stand that fucking kid man! Anyways.. I dunno what else to say.. Alots going thru my mind, but nothing that makes enuff sense to write haha so Im gonna go!

    **11:17pm**

    Getting ready for bed.. I can't fucking stand Maryanna right now.. Sometimes, like right now, she makes me realize how much she fucking pisses me off. She has to be among the shittiest friend.. Now, no where near comparable to low lifes such as Melissa, or as annoying as people like Angel, but shes the other kind.. I believe that she genuinly cares about me, and likes me.. she just doesnt know how to properly be a friend.. she "acts" as if she doesnt give a fuck about anyone but herself, so when shes acting like a POS, I sometimes forget and get rly pissed off.. I just rly need to get away from her.. I need to get this apartment!!! I also put an ad up on Craigslist near Cyndy's.. I would love to move out there, and If it came down to it, I could stay with her for a bit ya know.. I dunno? We'll see.. Im going to bed.. I was having a good day till she pissed me off.. One day Im gonna treat her how she treats me.. $20 says it maks her fucking cry!

KingOfWishfulThinking

  • Visit KingOfWishfulThinking's Xanga Site
    • Name: Desiree
    • Country: United States
    • State: Pennsylvania
    • Metro: Bucks County
    • Birthday: 3/9/1984
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 3/1/2005

Check My Pulse

Do you Love her?

Tell her you think shes AMAZING.

Tell her why you think shes so amazing.

Play with her hair.

Talk to her in movie theatres.

Snuggle, Hold her hand, and lightly KISS her.

 Hold her hand and walk.

Hold her hand and run.

Just hold her hand.

Pick flowers from other peoples yards and give them to her. 

Tell her she looks BEAUTIFUL.

Introduce her to your friends as "The most amazing girl I know''.

Sit in the park and talk to her.

Take her to the library, ice skating, playgrounds, and coffee shops.

Tell her stupid jokes... Whatever it takes to make her laugh. 

Write poems about her.

Walk with her, even if its just around the block. 

Throw pebbles at her window at night.

SURPRISE HER.

Do things that make her SMILE,

make her LAUGH, and make her want to KISS you right on the face.

BE SPONTANEOUS..

When she starts yelling at you, tell her you love her.

Give her back rubs.

Play football with her.

Let her fall asleep in your arms.

Call her even if its just to say hi.

Call her back if she calls you.

Jump on the bed with her. 

Whisper in her ear.

Sing to her, no matter how bad you are.

Carve your names into a tree.

Get her mad, then KISS her.

Push her on swings.

Stay up with her all night.

Leave her little unexpected notes.. on the car, or on her door, saying how much she means to you.

Take her to romantic places and lay out blankets to look at the*stars*.

Make up nicknames for each other.

Show up at her work or apartment unexpectedly.

Send flowers and dorky notes that only you two understand.

Teach her guitar.

Lend her your cds.

Make her cds of songs that remind you of her.

Write her letters.

If she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even if it means a 5 hour car trip.

Go on a road trip even if theres no destination or you cant be gone long.

Listen to her favorite songs.

When shes sad or sick, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything.

Buy her ice cream.

Let her take all the pictures of you SHE WANTS.

Look into her eyes.

Slow dance with her, even if the music is fast.

Make her a romantic dinner for special days.

Remember dates.. even ones like your first kiss or date and surprise her on the anniversary.

Kiss her in the rain.

Kiss her when she least expects it.

When you fall in love with her, TELL HER.